((El Vendedor de Jamon))

There was a little man who sold hams. He was very proud of his hams. They were the best salt-cured hams in Spain, with a brilliant red grain and a smokey sweetness with which no other ham in Spain could compare. Only one pig in a 1000 was fed the proper amount of sweet grains and nuts to have their legs declared ((gourmet)).

It was vacation time on the coast of Spain. The vacationers liked to eat gourmet hams whilst taking a month-long siesta on the Costa Brava. The ham vendor, being a shrewd man of sales, decided to go to the Costa Brava and give the vacationers a taste of his wonderful hams. !It was even possible that he might become rich!



When he arrived on the Costa Brava he saw a magnificent supermarket with electric air-conditioning, 20 cashiers and many sportscars parked in front. There were many vacationers shopping inside and many hams hanging in the popular Aisle of Hams. Seeing all of the vacationers selecting succulent hams to eat, he decided to set up his table at the end of the aisle and sell his own wares. But the eyes of the State where upon him.



Many bad guys had been blowing up trains in Madrid, so Spanish Policemen were especially vigilant during this season of vacationing. A small sub-detachment of them were told to guard the vacationers in the large supermarket. Spain would never be seen as a modern vacation destination if the large air-conditioned supermercado was not well protected... suddenly they heard a shout...

((?What's This?)) - The policemen asked each other upon hearing the loud cry repeated at the end of the Ham aisle.

((!HAMS! Get your HAMS HERE!!!) - cried the shrewd Ham vendor in his best Spanish.

The police rushed up to the Ham man and believing that he was an employee, merely warned him and told him to keep his voice low as this was not a market in the street, but an air-conditioned supermercato.

((Ok. Ok.)) - the ham man told the policemen, shrugging his shoulders to his ears.

((!HAMS! Get your ACORN-FED WILD BOAR HAMS HERE!!!)) - the ham man shouted a few minutes later.

((!Can You Not UNDERSTAND what we have Telling YOU?!)) - said the frustrated policemen after walking very quickly back to the ham man. ((This is not a dusty street market outside your trailer door... this is an air-conditioned Supermercato and your behavior does not fit in!)) - the policeman hissed into the Ham man's furry ear. ((Do this again and we will not be so kind...)) - the policeman whispered fiercely, his forefingers touching his thumbs while he waved his hands under the Ham man's nose.

A few moments passed...

((HAMS! I have the Finest NUT-Gorged HAMS in The..... what?))



As this sad story was based upon actual events recently witnessed by the author, I will not attempt to make a fictional happy ending. Perhaps the Ham man was imprisoned until vacation season was over. Perhaps he was shot - but perhaps not. However, all vacationers on the Costa Brava of Spain agree that hams taste very good.