Caring For Your Introvert
The above magazine article lays it all out (just click on above title for link.) It made Roamer mad that since I am an introvert I am smarter than she is. Have I mentioned yet that Espana is FREAKIN' HOT in the summer and Air-Conditioning is as rare as a Hi-Def TV in your HOME? Just thought I would let off a little introvert steam. No Warrior-Smurf or Keebler-Elf jokes please. It's too hot...
posted by windarkwingod | 12:19 PM
25 Comments:
I have read that article before. Dust showed it to me.
Being around people too long drains me. I am glad that they explain that in an "acceptable" light. I love being alone. But that can also hinder me from having good friendships. : (
I enjoyed reading this the second time through as much as the first. The author of that piece is overly rough on extroverts, but there are a few things that are very true that I appreciate.
1. A lot of extroverts think that something is wrong with introverts because they want to be left alone.
2. Many extroverts do talk to fill air.
3. Extroverts are often more successful simply based on perceptions (like in politics).
4. Introverts are usually very personally misunderstood. Golden is a good example. It is easy to perceive her as a gaurded and predictable person. Online, we know better.
Hey, I resemble those comments!
yawn!!!
I could barely finish reading that article. Not very balanced, when it is written from the point of "I'm the best. Everyone else is wrong. Worship me."
And I'm an introvert...sometimes. I don't see why it is one way or the other. Can't you be both, depending on your mood. That's the way, I see myself. I love alone time, but I also like to be around people. It is a choice - a flip of the switch.
I think I came across a little hard. :)
Really, extros and intros are not better or worse than each other. There can be a tendency to try to overcompensate for negative impressions, though.
Actually, I don't think that most people aren't fully one way or the other. While I am very introverted a have a few extroverted tendencies.
Dust, to spur on the conversation (and remember I am a recovering introvert.)
1. A lot of extroverts think that something is wrong with introverts because they want to be left alone.
True,...but a lot of times there is something wrong with the person who wants to be left alone and extroverts may be skilled in picking up those vibes.
2. Many extroverts do talk to fill air.
...because conversing with an introvert can be painfully awkward. Especially two introverts trying to make small talk.
3. Extroverts are often more successful simply based on perceptions (like in politics).
...yet, they are like an onion with many layers. They are also successful because they can be smart, they are good comunicators of ideas, and have great people skills.
4. Introverts are usually very personally misunderstood.
...and whose fault is that? If they are holed away at home or silent when being wrongly accused how is the rest of us suppose to know any better? I believe they are also misunderstood by other introverts. Just because you are an introvert doesn't meant you "get" the other introvert.
BTW, way to stick up for Golden, but are you telling me that people misunderstand Miss Sunshine? How?
Interesting Extrovert/Introvert pairings (respectively)
John F. Kennedy / Jackie Kennedy
Bill Clinton / Thomas Jefferson
Spencer Tracy / Katharine Hepburn
Lil' Kim / Michael Jordan
James T. Kirk / Spock
After reading the Gospel of Mark I draw comfort that Jesus was an introvert because he had to cross lakes and stuff to recharge his batteries. (wiggle wiggle)
Again, I am not writing this as an attack on extroverts. This is a defense of introverts. If I make a reference to extroverts specifically, I am not referring to all, most, or even a large minority of extroverts.
1. Who gets the privilege of determining whether something is wrong? In other words, who gets to determine what is normal?
2. A lot of introverts don't feel that there is a need to have constant conversation. I acknowledge that many introverts are difficult to talk to, though. I personally try to have little knowledge about a lot of things so I can talk with people about some topics they care about. That goes only so far, I guess.
3. They could.
4. The problem I am pointing to is that people make judgments on introverts based on the lack of knowledge they have. Sure, maybe some onus is on the introvert to do what he or she doesn't enjoy and act like an outgoing person. That doesn't excuse people making assumptions about the introvert.
How can I count the ways Golden is misunderstood. Let me point out how she has used it to her advantage. I believe she has already told the story, but it suits the situation.
When she was in college her roommate did something to her, so to get even she placed a picture of her roommate sitting on the toilet (PG rated picture, but you knew she was on the pot) on the message board in the dorm lobby. The residence director questioned Golden's roommate about the picture, but didn't believe her when she blamed Golden. Sweet, quiet Little Miss Sunrise would never do such a thing.
When extroverts assume what introverts are like without all the information, they usually come up with a very inaccurate picture.
I use to be a really strong introvert. I still am mostly but one of the things that helped me understand myself is an introvert can be very outgoing in their "inner circle" without enjoying being in crowds of people that they don't know.
That aspect always confused me when I would test as an introvert because I truly enjoy my time with my family and friends.
Most people who are getting to know me or only know me from a social point think I am very quiet. I have shocked a lot of people when they get to know me personally, because I am not a quiet person with those I know really well.
I tend to think about most of the things I am going to say. Even if I am saying something that appears to be said off the cuff it's probably something I have given A LOT of thought to personally. If I haven't I usually spend a day or two regretting having said it and thinking that I probably shouldn't have said it or wandering if it was okay to say.
My biggest beef is when people think something is wrong when you are quiet. I have people assume this when often it's just that I don't feel like talking. I don't have to have more reason that that.
I have expanded my comfort level with others from blogging because I feel that I am able to be myself more without having to actually talk to a lot of people face to face all the time. It helps me not be as drained from the face to face moments and it helps me to actually look forward to spending more time with others.
...When extroverts assume what introverts are like without all the information, they usually come up with a very inaccurate picture...
Or introverts...when they assume what introverts are like w/o all the info, they are wrong too. You can't blame this on an extrovert. It's not an extrovert problem. And Golden's sneakiness isn't because she's an introvert either. I know many extro's who get away with that stuff too.
Again...it is just as easy to say the extroverts are easily misunderstood too, for reasons that introverts will never understand. They make rash judgements thinking all extros are noisy and brash, when really they are quiet people deep inside.
who said us introverts need a defense. Against what?
1. Wrong is not a measurement of normalacy. Who gets to tell when something is wrong with someone - people who care and pay attention. - Parents with their kids, friends, anyone who can read a persons countenance. You can tell a difference when someone is quiet and when someone is going through deep pain.
2. A lot of introverts don't feel that there is a need to have constant conversation.
don't feel or maybe we are just horrible at carrying on the conversation. Truthfully and personally, it is never a case of "I don't feel like I need to talk to this person anymore (which is very selfish) but I can't think of anything to say to make a conversation happen. Which leads the extrovert to come up with more to talk about or we part paths.
On Golden's sneakiness (or humor, really). My point is that people who write her off because she doesn't force her way into conversation minunderstand her.
Regarding normalcy, being depressed is not the same as being an introvert. My concern is that some people believe that if a person tends to be naturally quiet, that some think that automatically means there is something wrong with that person.
About this not being an extroversion issue. It isn't really, but there are certain things that a person with no introversion tendencies simply will not understand. That can cause problems like what I mentioned.
I do feel I should point out that Golden had good reason to do what she did. Her roommate had called the president of the school directly to ask if classes were cancelled and told him that she was Golden.
The retaliation was fair. :)
Regarding normalcy, being depressed is not the same as being an introvert.
No one said it was. Like I said, you can usually tell the difference. That is how you know something is wrong. A change in behavior or countenance.
My concern is that some people believe that if a person tends to be naturally quiet, that some think that automatically means there is something wrong with that person.
Why is that a concern? We all learn who the naturally quiet people are, because they exhibit that behavior often. I've never thought of them as having something wrong. But when there is a change in behavior or certain withdrawn quietness, it's usually because of a problem. And a lot of times, we introverts will us introversion as an excuse to say that nothing is wrong, when it really means that you don't want to discuss your problems with your mom/friend/spouse until you have a good grasp on them.
I just find it laughable that introverts think they are misunderstood, stereotyped yet they seem to have extroverts all figured out and some how extroverts are simpletons while introverts are complex figures. Basically, introverts are doing the same thing that they feel victimized about from the extroverts. That's my reaction to the article - hypocritical.
I am a recovering extrovert. I'm just trying not to tell anyone about it...
"We all learn who the naturally quiet people are, because they exhibit that behavior often. I've never thought of them as having something wrong."
I have frequently heard not quiet people talk about getting quiet out of their shell. This is what I am thinking of.
"I just find it laughable that introverts think they are misunderstood, stereotyped yet they seem to have extroverts all figured out and some how extroverts are simpletons while introverts are complex figures."
I am happy to accept that there is something more to extroverts than what they present. I do know that a true extrovert gets recharged around groups of people. To be honest, I have never heard an extrovert complain that no one understood that part of their personality. I'll pay more attention for that from now on, though.
"I have frequently heard not quiet people talk about getting quiet out of their shell. This is what I am thinking of."
Yes, but this is not an issue of being an introvert, but one of being shy and gaining more confidence. I speak from experience.
"I have never heard an extrovert complain that no one understood that part of their personality."
Did you read this guys bash on extroverts - tell me that is not a gross miscalculation. I am sticking up for the underdog. Whether they complain or not does not mean the they are misjudged based on stereotypes. I am just saying everyone gets misjudged and the that is not a right held only for introverts.
Darwin - are you going commando under that uniform?
Are you a tall dwarf that has shaved his beard?
"Did you read this guys bash on extroverts"
Yeah, I'll agree. The author plays the victim and completely bashes and writes off extroverts without much concern for understanding them.
Happy? :)
Darwin, you look unnatural in this photo. Are you in pain? Are you sitting on a pole?
I'm not sure, but it almost looks like Dar reaching to keep his tunic down in a gust of wind. Is this true?
I had boxers on underneath. All the other Americans had to wear shorts to hide their twigs and berries (introverts?) This was a "continuity" shot to make sure all of the costume was correct next time I have to put it on. I was suppose to be a military scout but had so much dark make-up crammed in my creases from my toes to my nostrils, such an "adjusted" costume (they even brushed make-up "dirt" on me) that I was beginning to get whiney. In the end I felt like a runway model for what the tan, tallish, fashion-aware tranny smurfs would be wearing this summer on the battlefield. I wanted to snivel...
>:)
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